Sunday, December 5, 2010

Sorry I haven't Posted in a While♥

Dear America,
I do sincerely apologize for not posting lately. As most of you all know, school finals are coming up, and I have been studying hard. It may be hard to believe, but I have lost most of my motivation. Which is never a good thing when it comes to loosing weight. Hopefully this blog will help me stay focused, if I just remember to write in it every night. Yesterday at work, I had a very rude family that came in and I made them sandwiches at their request. After I served them, one of the little boys made a remark to his father, "Dad look that girl has a baby in her tummy!" Soon after, his dad turns around laughing and asks, "do you have a baby in your tummy?" I flatly replied no, and retreated to go in the back, which was out of view from the customers. I was mortified. Never had someone been so completely rude to me about my weight, and especially to my face. After taking all the effort to hold back the tears, thoughts of going anorexic, as well as starving myself for the rest of the week kind of things. However, hours before that, my father and I had a discussion about having control of your "button". When people know how to push your button, they are going to do it continuously because they know it bothers you. The key is having control of your button. Whether you move your button, or don't let the topic bother you anymore, you have to take a step back, and realize that even though that person is intentionally targeting you, it may not have anything to do with you. From experience, I have had someone tell me every day, how bad I look, and someone very close to me express VERY mean things about my weight. However, after discussing it with my dad, I realized that them saying those things, and expressing negative things about me had nothing to do with me what so ever. She just knew how to push my button. Everyone has their own problems. And everyone deals with them in different ways. But some people choose to push other people's buttons, and make them wonder what is so wrong with them, when the problem isn't them at all. Food for the mind.
It is harder than expected to keep motivation to loose weight. But if your anything like me, your a dreamer. I day dream all the time about being thin, and looking how I want to look. Being overweight, completely erases any self confidence you may have ever had. You don't feel accepted, because usually you aren't. Your not always teased, but not acknowledged all together. I know all of this from personal experience. What it comes down to, is whether you want this enough to either give up, or do whatever it takes to keep going. Sometimes I try to picture myself if I don't do this. I won't have a boyfriend, not because i'm overweight, but because I don't have the confidence to have a boyfriend. I don't have a lot of friends, because I don't like talking to people due to their intake on my appearance. I have wanted this all my life, but I just can't find the will to do it. Hopefully if this get's more popular I will. I will hopefully be putting pictures up of what I look like now - minus the face - and what I will look like on the first day of school , senior year. So your task for the day is to decide whether you want this enough to not give up.

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