Monday, December 20, 2010

It's almost Christmas time♥

It's almost time for the presents to be opened, and the family to come together, which just so happens to be my favorite time of year! Not only because of the huge feast and presents, but because I get to see my insane family all gathered into one room. Hopefully this season will be a good one, following with my birthday soon after. I've been making some pretty good choices lately. My family and I took a trip to a hotel last night to stay the night, just for fun, and I ordered roasted chicken instead of my notorious chicken fingers. As well as veggie's instead of fries. And this morning for breakfast, I had amazing scrambled eggs and cooked ham. It was great. And so far I've had a lot of energy! Oh! and I forgot to mention the four hours of swimming last night, and waking up at 4:30 A.M. to go work out in the gym at the hotel for an hour, followed by 2 more hours of swimming. I can't say I'm not completely exhausted and sore, because I totally am, but I think it was well worth it.
I haven't been feeling to great emotion wise, just because my social life has pretty much been really crappy, followed by some really sucky "friends". But i'll make it out okay. I've been doing a lot better than I expected before the first, which is a good thing, but I think I will start taking my dog for walks at night now, just because I love walking at night. But it's hard to keep motivation these days. Especially with dealing with so much. It makes it that much harder. But you just gotta push through and know that things will be so much better once your at the place that you want to be.

Thursday, December 9, 2010

Alright a new idea♥

So instead of continuously apologizing for not writing every night, I have made a few resolutions. The first is, that I will write every week. No doubt, before 12a.m. on saturday night, I will at least have a new blog entry every week. If I occasionally feel like adding a few posts here and there, so be it. But I solemnly swear, pinky promise, that I will try my absolute hardest to write a new blog every week. My second resolution is probably the most important. I am ashamed to be saying this, just because I am backing out of what I have previously said, but I think I will have to start this "diet" of mine on January 1st of the new year. I understand this is entirely a let down, but the stresses of the holidays, as well as finals, are not providing me with much to work with. If I start at the beginning of the year, it will be entirely easier to accomplish this goal. It is also a setback, however, because I won't be able to lose 90 lbs, but only 80. Tomorrow, I have the gorgeous TaRhonda Thomas coming over to my humble abode in order to interview me, as well as make this blog a little more popular, so that more girls like me are aware of it. Although I am not officially starting my diet until January 1st, I do have some advice. Even though it is not being pressured, be sure to get some exercise once in a while. For example, I went and played a small amount of volleyball with my family today before it got dark. Also, if your a big organizer, such as me, plan out your diet. Create a calendar with the certain things your going to eat as well as exercise, and it will make it easier to accomplish rather than just  playing everything by ear. I do apologize for going back on my statement, but those are the most recent changes to this blog. If you would like to discuss anything, or you would like to ask me for advice on ANYTHING, i'm usually pretty good at that stuff. So don't be shy:)

Sunday, December 5, 2010

Sorry I haven't Posted in a While♥

Dear America,
I do sincerely apologize for not posting lately. As most of you all know, school finals are coming up, and I have been studying hard. It may be hard to believe, but I have lost most of my motivation. Which is never a good thing when it comes to loosing weight. Hopefully this blog will help me stay focused, if I just remember to write in it every night. Yesterday at work, I had a very rude family that came in and I made them sandwiches at their request. After I served them, one of the little boys made a remark to his father, "Dad look that girl has a baby in her tummy!" Soon after, his dad turns around laughing and asks, "do you have a baby in your tummy?" I flatly replied no, and retreated to go in the back, which was out of view from the customers. I was mortified. Never had someone been so completely rude to me about my weight, and especially to my face. After taking all the effort to hold back the tears, thoughts of going anorexic, as well as starving myself for the rest of the week kind of things. However, hours before that, my father and I had a discussion about having control of your "button". When people know how to push your button, they are going to do it continuously because they know it bothers you. The key is having control of your button. Whether you move your button, or don't let the topic bother you anymore, you have to take a step back, and realize that even though that person is intentionally targeting you, it may not have anything to do with you. From experience, I have had someone tell me every day, how bad I look, and someone very close to me express VERY mean things about my weight. However, after discussing it with my dad, I realized that them saying those things, and expressing negative things about me had nothing to do with me what so ever. She just knew how to push my button. Everyone has their own problems. And everyone deals with them in different ways. But some people choose to push other people's buttons, and make them wonder what is so wrong with them, when the problem isn't them at all. Food for the mind.
It is harder than expected to keep motivation to loose weight. But if your anything like me, your a dreamer. I day dream all the time about being thin, and looking how I want to look. Being overweight, completely erases any self confidence you may have ever had. You don't feel accepted, because usually you aren't. Your not always teased, but not acknowledged all together. I know all of this from personal experience. What it comes down to, is whether you want this enough to either give up, or do whatever it takes to keep going. Sometimes I try to picture myself if I don't do this. I won't have a boyfriend, not because i'm overweight, but because I don't have the confidence to have a boyfriend. I don't have a lot of friends, because I don't like talking to people due to their intake on my appearance. I have wanted this all my life, but I just can't find the will to do it. Hopefully if this get's more popular I will. I will hopefully be putting pictures up of what I look like now - minus the face - and what I will look like on the first day of school , senior year. So your task for the day is to decide whether you want this enough to not give up.